SoulEclipse

20100225

Grateful

Actually, just wanted to say that despite what happened, I am grateful my dad decided to still pick me up at the airport. Actually, me going home was his idea. Still not really looking forward to it though.

Urumi sent of mail once. It was a nice mail. I said once before that I really wasn't feeling like finishing my course. She mailed me words of encouragement to help me get through.

Shong is one person I admire the most. He seems to have the most problems especially regarding his love life but he managed to get through the years. When I got his mail about what hardships he has been through, I always get teary-eyed. Actually, even now, just thinking about it.

Same thing for Pei and Juan. I rather enjoy talking to them, especially Juan.

Eddie has been a good friend for me too. He is one of the few people I'm open to despite just meeting him for only a month.

And there's Alex. Though he seems not sure on how to cheer me up, he just does by being online almost every night.

Thanks guys.

Just ouch.

Things have just been going downhill for me lately. I dont really show it much but yeah... I'm not really proud of my actions. I mean, who would be? Threatening someone with a knife? Yeah I'm pretty sure that last sentence shocked you.

I won't elaborate much. I don't really want to talk about it. Still, I feel ashamed of what just happened and what I have been doing. This is, after all, the first time I don't want to go back home, for obvious reasons. I'm not really willing to face my family, especially my mom.

I really wished I didn't let my insecurity get to of 4 years ago...

20100213

'sup?

For three days, I've been busy drawing my nakama. It's the first time I've made a huge series of drawings. I must say, I'm rather proud with a lot of my works~

I've also been hooked to Sonic 2 again. *laugh* It's been a while since I played the game and, for the first time, I've finished it too, albeit with the help of save states. xD I know it's cheating but I'll try not to cheat next time. Because of save states, I also unlocked Super Sonic. Ironically, some zones are much more difficult to get by when I use him. xD Also less of a challenge (besides the Bonus stages which are always challenging).

Then there was last night. I was talking to big brother, Alex, on MSN then we just decided to check each other's webcams. At one point, I accidentally closed the window so I had to reopen it. Instead of just opening just the webcam though, I clicked on Video Call. It just so happened that I was listening to music that time and I was singing along and I had my headset and the microphone turned on. Suddenly, Alex just replied, "I can hear that." I was like wide-eyed! LMAO!

Haha! I was not expecting that. I should have known it WAS a Video CALL, but I'm glad I did that. We had fun for the rest of the night. I was a lot more talkative when I was actually talking out loud than when we were just typing. xD Drawback, I won't be able to listen to it in the archives. *laugh* 'twas fun though.

Right now, I'm just checking for Chicken Tikka Masala recipes again. Since there are so many variations, I'm just looking for the basics and the theory on how to cook it and I'll probably make up my own recipe when I get the chance.

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20100210

Re: Alex

Haha! Thanks guys for being concerned but it's all good now~ ^^

20100209

Alex

I sometimes wonder if I offended Alex-niisan in some way. He was pretty vague in his expressions, except his immense hatred against Archie. He knew I was past it already but he's still very well blames Archie for what happened to him.

He wanted to kill him.

I just wanted to get out of the silence, I guess. I felt awkward though since I didn't want to just say *hugs* forever. I asked Juan about what he talks about with Pei, just to give me some ideas of topics to talk about.

It didn't end well. A lot of my topics went sour. I was hoping I could lift my brother's mood but, well, he managed to talk about a lot of bad things that had happened. Finally, he just snapped at me and declared his all out intent to kill Archie. I tried talking to him, but somehow, I can't help but feel that I seemed to have offended him at some point.

I was really feeling desperate to lift his spirit. In the end, I drew this for him via Windows Live Messenger.

We apologized to each other and when I need to sleep, we said our old goodnights. However, it felt like it was just a routine rather than our usual heartfelt goodnights.

It's still bugging me.

REM sleep?

As soon as I woke up from my nap, I still feel damn awful tired, probably even more so. It was a one or two-hour long nap. I let my phone play music with a playlist set on shuffle. I intended it that way. Fully woke up when my phone finally finished the playlist.

And I said fully. I was also aware of the music that was playing in the background. As I consciously knew of the songs being played, I subconsciously dreamed a lot too. Rapid Eye Movement, perhaps? I forget what it was called, but I still remember some of the dreams I had.

At one point, I had birthday boy Kevin (it's his birthday today) and Dexter sitting at a bench on my way to the dorm. From Kevin's pants, Kev pulled out my cellphone and a packet of sugar I acquired from restaurants that went missing from my pockets. I told him, to hand me my phone but he could throw the packet of sugar away. He did by going to the library. I sat beside Dexter to rest a bit. Kevin came back and, just to humor me, sat on my lap. Heavy damn it! But I let him anyway. I set some music on my phone...that's when I knew my real phone was still playing in the background.

There was another time when I had a Science class. I forgot whether it was Physics, Chemistry, Biology or a combination. What I remembered was it awfully reminds me of High School Science classes. I was also with Kevin at that time. Can't remember the rest though. I do remember I was supposed to attend the class at a later time, at 4 PM to be exact. I kept checking my phone for the time.

At another point, I had a dream within a dream. I dreamt that Alex-niisan logged in. Then, I dreamt waking up and checked my laptop. Alex apparently just logged in. We talked about Archie, mostly, and like usual, he hates his guts. Alex told me Archie was just talking to him, saying Archie was practically begging him to come back to his forum. Midway in the dream, I realized it was a dream in a dream because I remembered turning off my laptop before I slept.

Oddly, I was still with Archie back then. As if I haven't left the forums, I was given new moderator powers...superhero moderator powers. I could easily roam around, vanquishing certain Ragnarok Online-inspired monsters and collecting their loot. I also had another side, like a second form that I showed to Alex as if I were in a fighting game. Yeah, it's weird for me to even describe it but I remember it.

In another dream, I was with Meme and the rest of the Symphony guild in their guild town. The guild town was significantly different. It was like Old Payon in the sense that in the middle of the town seemed to have a road where most players are. At the side of the road are grassy areas and lots of trees. Monsters, particularly MVP monsters, would sometimes spawn in those areas. I had to lure some MVPs away from the main crowd, at least until Meme and her guild decided to fight it.

The latest one had me in a van roaming around my cousin's neighborhood in Loyola Heights, except for the fact that they weren't in Katipunan anymore but was on a highway overlooking the sea. We had to pick up two people, who were presumably friends of my aunt. I don't recognize them but they sure know me and shared me some sweets. Among them was an old favorite baked good of mine, "Lakas." They also showed me a cake that was meant for their 10th or 25th anniversary. Of what, I don't know. Oh and my sister and Ate Trixie just appeared in front of me too.

We finally arrived at my place. The cake was at the round table...and I did a few vandals on it. Using my finger, I made a message on each side of the cake (it was square) and at the same time, eating parts of it (it was chocolate). The cake didn't hold out much though. It leaned a lot much like an accordion. Hell, the texture was similar to an accordion. Still chocolate though. I tried repairing the cake too.

Some time in between those dreams, I would realize I was still listening to my phone. Sometimes the song would stop and play the next song. I was wondering if the song just stopped only to realize that it would play the next song. I guess that made me woke up, since the phone finally stopped playing.

I woke up, still dazed.

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